It’s been a while since I’ve been in a consistent, serious relationship — I’m not complaining — I actually really enjoy my freedom and often feel extreme anxiety when I think of having to be in a relationship where I cannot prioritize Me, Myself and I.
With that being said, this is not a “I hate being single” blog, and if that is what your heart desires, go away 🙂
This is more of an opportunity for me to share my experience and possibly help you with your experience so you don’t continue to think that being a third wheel is the absolute worst thing in the world, because let me tell you, it’s not. [Check out these 11 Undeniable Awesome Benefits of Being a Third Wheel]
I’ve learned a lot since self-proclaiming myself as a “Professional Third Wheel” and I’m sure it will come in handy when I meet a guy who peaks my interest enough to make me not want to be the often selfish person that I am.
DISCLAIMER: My coupled friends are probably way more cool than your coupled friends so do not be confused or shocked if your “third wheeling” does not compare in value to mine.
It’s only awkward if you make yourself feel awkward. I know that people complain about being a third wheel. That’s normal. I’ve done it before. We all have. However, it’s this kind of thinking that makes you feel and look awkward when you’re hanging with your coupled friends. If you approach every outing with this ridiculous mindset, you’ll end up looking like a loner who is missing out on all of the fun instead of looking like that one single friend that absolutely had to be invited because she’s cool and such a fun time. Besides, you never know who you can meet through your coupled friends. Their circles expand once they start dating, and if you’re lucky enough to get invited for the fun (or because YOU ARE THE FUN), go mix and mingle without making it seem like you’re only there to find relations.
Successful Black men do like Black women. I hear Black women say that Black men do not like Black women once they’re successful. Let me just say, I’m no expert on this subject, but from what I see in my every day ordinary life are fierce and amazing Black women dating equally amazing Black men. The Black men treat their women with respect, are supportive and show affection regardless of who is around. It’s a beautiful thing, and I wish that all single Black women had a chance to see it the way that I do. Not all Black men degrade Black women so I think we should get out of that mindset. Nobody likes to be stereotyped and my third wheeling has more than proven that the couples that we used to see on The Cosby Show, Living Single, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and The Jeffersons, etc., can and do exist in real life.
Your personality matters even more when you’re a third wheel. Would you want to date a Basic, boring Byron? NO! So why do you think that anyone would want to date a Basic, boring Betty? When being a third wheel, you have to be friendly and not standoffish. People, including your coupled friends, are taking notes on your behavior. You seem rude if you’re not being outgoing or conversing with your peers, and if no one but your coupled friends know that you’re “shy” or “quiet until you get to know her,” other people have probably already written you off as a B-word. Be personable and genuinely interested in socializing, otherwise you’re a party spoiler, and there is nothing more unattractive than a party spoiler. People want to be around happy people, not anyone who is going to sit back quietly and observe while everyone else is having the time of their lives. Your coupled friends are no different. You could seriously miss out on some great connections by being a stale human being that is sure to result in you being uninvited to any get-togethers in the future.
Coupled friends want you to find love too. Believe it or not, your coupled friends are not secretly basking at your single situation. More times than none, they want you to come out so that you can meet someone and eventually have something just as special as they do. This doesn’t mean that you get to expect to always meet someone through them, nor does it mean that you get to rush into something immediately after they introduce you to a potential. It DEFINITELY doesn’t mean you have to like everyone to whom they introduce you. All this means is that they’re rooting for you. They’ll happily point you in the direction of quality options because they believe you are a great person.
So keep all of this in mind the next time you’re third wheeling. Have fun, be your fiery self and live in the moment — or stay your ass at home!
Tabresha is a D.C. Metro transplant who loves the beach and tanning cheeks. She doesn’t always rock a twist out, but when she does, it’s poppin.