A Saturday chat with my friends revealed these seven most likely reasons you’re still single and trying to mingle. Keyword: “Trying.”
In case you missed it, we are officially on the peak of cuffing season, if you’re in to all that.
What this means is that the guy who was so determined to make sure that this year he shows up to Mama’s house with a special young lady who is capable of making the potato salad that the family can actually consume, is shit out of luck.
Oh, and the girl who is pushing 30 has to attend yet another family gathering where all the older women pester her so much about finding a man and having some babies to the point that she almost considers sliding in the DMs of Pookie, from down the block, who walks everywhere and always has crumbs on his face, just to say she got a bae. I SAID ALMOST, Pookie. Simmer down.
Unfortunately, we can’t all be like the woman in China who got her 20 boyfriends to buy her the new iPhone 7 so she could turn herself into a new homeowner, and maybe that’s not even what you want, honestly. However, you want somebody and you want somebody to want you. Fortunately for you, in between time of watching some good ole college football last Saturday afternoon (WAR DAMN EAGLE, BTW), a few of my friends and I chatted about dating and relationships and now I’m privy to share with you, the seven most likely reasons you haven’t been cuffed.
You can also view a compilation of bits and pieces from our funny (but real) conversation here.
Okay, let’s get to it, because maybe you still have a chance. Bless it.
- You actually acknowledge the “FAKE ASS” Cuffing Calendar.
Let’s be real people. No calendar that designates the actual time frame for being in a relationship should ever be taken seriously. In fact, a cuffing calendar basically undermines the concept of commitment. If you feel that you need to have a significant other by a certain date, only to want to remove yourself from the relationship by another specified date, you are not ready for a committed relationship and thus, should not be cuffed or doing the cuffing for that matter.
- You have a misconception of dating and courting.
During our convo, I realized that guys and girls have totally different perspectives when it comes to dating. What I mostly realized is that men don’t consider outings with a girl that they’re exclusively dating as a date. I also realized that women don’t necessarily prefer an expensively funded date as proof that a man is interested but are more impressed with the planning of and attentiveness to their interests when it comes to a date. In sum, I have a few takeaways from the conversation that provide some clarification on dating so that your views or practices no longer have to be a reason that you are not cuffed.
**A man should court a woman. Point. Blank. Period. It’s practically 2017, and any man is insane to believe that it is okay for a woman to be pursuing him and taking him on dates.
**Dating shouldn’t stop just because you become exclusive; PEOPLE IN RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD STILL GO ON DATES (WITH EACH OTHER).
**Single people should not feel like they’re limited to going on dates with only one person if there has been no establishment of a mutually exclusive relationship.
**Dating is how you get to know a person. One date does not indicate boyfriend or girlfriend status.
**Perfect dates do exist. Example: listen to things she says she likes to do, and then plan something of the sort. Simple.
- You thrive on the approval and likes of social media followers and are careless about online dating.
Our Hashtag Relationship Goals society has placed unrealistic expectations on relationships and dating. Everyone feels the need to flaunt their relationship or profess the desire for the type of love that is portrayed by others on social media. No two couples are going to be exactly the same, and it’s important to remember that you are NOT Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade. Furthermore, airing every bit of your relationship’s details on social media can be detrimental, especially if you don’t have a strong foundation to resist the mettlesome people who may try to interfere for the simple fact that social media allows them to do so. In regards to online dating. I’m not for or against it, but I will say don’t be careless. Be aware of those who are just looking for booty calls, which is apparently the case for most guys who use social dating and online dating apps. Also, don’t get catfished by pictures or bios that seem to be the description of your most perfect man or woman. Be realistic. Don’t waste time.
- You give off the vibe of a taker and not a giver.
Look, I know I said that a man should court a woman, and I firmly believe this, but men don’t want to feel like they’re always giving and women are always taking. What my guy friends explained is that they want to feel appreciated, and that a nice act of kindness can show interest and show that you’re not a selfish, stuck-up, gold digging woman only interested in what you can get from a man. This doesn’t mean that you have to take him on dates as you expect him to do for you, but sheesh, if you’re in the store and about to meet up with him, ask the man what kind of chips he likes, and grab him a bag for pete’s sake. Seriously though, this will vary from person to person. The point is to show that you’re just as interested in showing him he’s important as he’s trying to do you.
- You accept situationships even though you really want a relationship.
We all know how the story goes. You meet someone. You develop feelings. You have the talk to Determine The Relationship (DTR). Someone says they’re not interested in a relationship. The other person agrees that’s okay even though it’s not, and you keep acting as if you’re in a relationship. This has to be the most ridiculous reason for not being cuffed. Let’s be honest. While you’re out there pretending to be a girlfriend or boyfriend to someone who isn’t willing to make a commitment to you, you’re missing out on someone who would be willing. If you’re not truly okay with not having a title, don’t accept the situation just because you really like the person. Cut off communication, be sad for a day or so, and then move on to the next thing popping. Simple.
- You try to force someone into a relationship who isn’t ready.
Piggybacking off of number 5, I’d be remiss to not point out that it’s ultimately the guy’s decision of whether he is ready to settle down that will determine if a relationship will ensue. A guy can like you, and literally think you’re the girl of his dreams, but if he’s not ready to settle down, he’s not going to act right, and is not worth the time, nor heartbreak that comes with it. Ladies, be appreciative if a guy respects you enough to say he isn’t ready to settle down. Don’t keep entertaining him in hopes that he will change his mind about settling, but be thankful he told you and just move on with your life. His loss.
- Your communication sucks.
This is the most likely reason, if not the ONLY reason, you are not cuffed. You have to be explicit when stating what you want and what you expect in a man or woman. Don’t try to beat around the bush because you’re unsure of whether the other person will share the same views. It will be just your luck that he or she may not share your views, and is ultimately not the person for you. We need to start approaching dating and relationships like real-life corporate America job interviews. Everyone is NOT a perfect fit for your company culture, and you need to be wary of it from the jump. Communication is key.
Yes, I’m single. No I’m not an expert on relationships, so hush. These are just seven takeaways that I got from our conversation and decided to share with whoever is serious about joining all of those “seemingly” happy couples out there. No shade. 🙂
Tabresha is a D.C. Metro transplant who loves the beach and tanning cheeks. She doesn’t always rock a twist out, but when she does, it’s poppin.