Why One Guy’s Opinion About My Happiness Didn’t Matter, and Still Doesn’t

This is part two of a series I will be writing about things I’ve learned during my 26th year as I prepare for my 27th birthday.

There have been some things I’ve desperately prayed for this year but to no avail. And yet, I wake up every day and do life with a high spirit and contentment in my heart. I just cannot be sad about not being exactly where I expected to be at age 26–practically debt free, maybe engaged, maybe considering working on my first child, making over $150K & preparing to publish a novel that will make me a NYT Best Selling Author. Life does not and has not worked out according to my plans alone, but that’s ok because life isn’t over so I have no real reason to be sad.

Honestly, being sad is just something I’ve never been good at doing for probably more than 30 minutes. A few people mistake this as me not caring or having emotions while others  just consider me fake.

When I was a freshman in college, I met this guy who was pretty much the total opposite of me. I don’t even remember how I met him or how we became acquainted but for the sake of this story, I’ll say that it was in the AU Student Center, near the Chic-Fil-A because bishes love Chic-Fil-A, and there was no Zaxby’s on campus.

He was tall with dreads; I was shorter with a relaxer (yes, I used to be addicted to the creamy crack).

He was chill and low key; I was perky and on the scene.

Though he was at Auburn, I can confirm that he was most likely not there to seriously pursue a degree; I had known that I would go to college in pursuit of a degree from the time that I found out college was a thing.

He had a child; I didn’t even have a goldfish.

He believed that girls should accept that a guy would cheat; I was not having that shit. No way, Jose.

We talked differently.

We thought differently.

We lived differently.

Despite our differences, we kind of became super cool to the point that I could nap on his Tempur-Pedic mattress instead of sleeping on the hard mattress at my dorm without feeling pressured to get involved with him. His friends became my friends and my friends his. We would all hang out and just be cool.

I never told him, but he said something that bothered me for maybe an hour longer than it should have one day as I was preparing to take my nap on his mattress. *side note* he had a bed but the mattress was literally the best thing poppin.

Anyway, this particular conversation was one of the more memorable that I had while at Auburn for the sole reason that he made me feel bad about being happy. Like, wtf dude?

He told me that I’m too happy and that being so happy is not realistic. He told me that I walk around like I don’t have any problems or go through anything, and that I seemed “fake” for it, in short.

For the life of me, I could not figure out why anyone would want to see someone hurting or showing signs of sadness. I didn’t understand what part about letting others see you sad made you real and I still don’t. At that moment, however, I wondered if that’s what people thought of me and if I needed to tone down my happiness so as not to make others feel like shit. (I’m pretty sure this is what Beyoncé feels like)

I made the decision to keep being happy and forget what a hater had to say.

I told him that I have problems but that I’m not the type to broadcast them and just left it at that. We never talked about it again; not even when we ended up having a class together during my junior year. I just charged it to the game and hoped that he would one day be able to experience the genuine happiness that I experience in my life on the daily.

For me, being happy doesn’t mean that I don’t go through problems, it just means that my problems don’t dictate my happiness and for that I’m grateful. No situation, no thing, no person, nor lack there of, will ever have that kind of control over my mental well-being.

My 26th year has been no piece of cake. I’ve had job rejections for jobs for which I’ve prayed so hard, I’ve been overwhelmed trying to work full-time and be in school full-time, I’ve awakened in tears because of unjust killings of unarmed black lives every time you flip on the news, and even sat through an election watch night, only to see Donald Trump and his racist followers prevail to my dismay. It’s been hard to stay positive in such trying times.

My 26th year has also been the perfect example of how having a happy spirit can change the entire dynamic of a life. It has kept me from making some terrible decisions that would have been made as a result of insecurities or fear or depression or loneliness or whatever. You name it!

I’ve learned to focus on the things that make me happy so that I do not get caught up in troubles that I know will eventually work out themselves.

So, as I push forward to my 27th year, I have a list of 26 things that make me so very happy, in no particular order.

1. Family and friends who make me laugh.

2. Kash Money

3. Binge watching A Different World on Netflix

4. Shonda Thursdays

5. Writing

6. Curating playlists on Apple Music

7. Twerking in the mirror

7. Auburn University

8. Going to church and seeing the real life Keith Battle get on stage to preach verses a recording

9. Traveling with my fun girls

10. Happy hour at the nail salon

11. Direct deposits

12. Amazon Prime shipping

13. Free meals

14. Rooftops on a beautiful sunny day

15. Taking a crap the morning after drinking

16. A perfect twist out

16. Knowing that I no longer live in New Mexico

17. Rain hitting the window pane when I’m taking a siesta

18. Emails to RSVP for fancy cocktail receptions in D.C.

19. Checking the mail and not finding a speeding ticket

20. Taking less than 10 minutes to find street parking in D.C.

21. Buffalo chicken wings on a Saturday

22. Harmonizing with Drake

23. Meeting deadlines for blog posts

24. Making to-do lists

25. Guys who buy drinks and don’t linger

26. Me.

It doesnt take much to be happy as you can see. It’s all about your outlook. Being happy is a blessing, and I pray all get to experience genuine happiness like me. Well, only if they read this post and share my blog with friends. 

Lesson learned in my 26th year: Continue to bask in my happiness!