Are You His Fun Girl?

I’m pretty sure when I was a senior in high school, one of my best friends and I would call each other “fun girl” — probably after carelessly singing along to “Goin’ Steady” by Rocko, having no regard for what was actually indicated by his lyrics.

For me, that title meant you were just that. “Fun.” It’s a term I use endearingly quite often even as I’ve been an adult to describe myself and my friends who share a love for traveling, laughing and just having a good time being the social butterflies that we are.

When it comes to dating, however, being a fun girl is not what you want to be. Apparently guys aren’t out here wifing fun girls. Fun girls are just the cool girls, always down for a good time, who make great companions for anything but a real, committed and exclusive relationship.

A friend of mine recently questioned whether she’s a fun girl when she realized that her long-time friend who I know as her Vacation Boo, had no plans of actually making her his girlfriend. Ever. They’re both young professionals who live and work in different cities so their communication is limited to talking on the phone and texting, but when they get together — they vacation together at least once a year, hence the title Vacation Boo — they pick up from where they left off.

When she realized that he had no plans of actually making her his girlfriend, she felt some type of way. To be fair, they were in South Africa when that realization occurred. Not that it means anything — but it does. Anyway, prior to this trip, she had no plans of being his girl, but after learning that he didn’t even want her to be his girl, she was “fake” heartbroken.

I say “fake” heartbroken because she literally had no real interest in this man until she realized she couldn’t have him, but for the sake of this very valuable insight that I’m about to provide, I’ll just say that she was distraught and found herself in a situation that she didn’t want to be in and that she wanted to ensure would not happen again. Of course I had to do some pondering on whether a “fun girl” is really a title that any girl should be happily obliged to wear.

My conclusion: It depends.

Sometimes expectations may not be to establish an exclusively committed relationship. And that’s ok. But when that is your expectation, you need to know if he only thinks of you as just his fun girl so that you can avoid a distraught and unwanted situation.

Here are some things to consider:

  1. Does he desire your company in the house of the Lord or only in a lounge or a club?
  2. Does he call to ask you about your day or does he only call when he wants to play?
  3. Does he only initiate conversations with “wyd?” and do you normally hear from him during Happy Hour or on the weekend?
  4. Does he only invite you out in group settings?
  5. Do you know how he prepares for his work week or do you only know where he likes to pregame?
  6. Do you have really great conversations about everything BUT his personal life?
  7. Have you ever met his family? Close friends? Does he even ever talk about them?
  8. How are you introduced? Are you just the homie? DOES HE EVEN INTRODUCE YOU?
  9. Does he insist that he has such a great time with you and that you’re so cool but never takes the initiative to plan a real date?
  10. Does he listen and respect what you have to say about your feelings?
  11. Does he explicitly state what he wants out of your relationship?
  12. Are you realizing you’re a “fun girl” because of my list of questions??
**Disclaimer: I’m not a relationship guru — I probably should have said that earlier, but you’re here now so just keep reading.

All these things considered, the way you answer should clearly indicate whether or not you’re just a “fun girl.” The question now is, what are you going to do with this platinum information I just provided?

Always Observe. Ask questions. Get answers. Make decisions. Simple.

At the end of the day, it’s your decision to continue entertaining someone who only sees you as his “fun girl.” If that’s what you want, then girl, live ya life! If it’s not, don’t waste your time.

Tabresha is a D.C. Metro transplant who loves the beach and tanning cheeks. She doesn’t always rock a twist out, but when she does, it’s poppin.